I'm don't normally purchase MAC products but I do find their advertising quite interesting and visually stimulating. I mean, they used Dita Von Teese for god sake in their AIDS fund campaign, how could I not love what they do?! But when I heard MAC was doing a Hello Kitty product line I knew that millions of Asian girls were squealing with glee. I however wasn't all that into the idea. Hello Kitty is cute and all, but its just not my thing. Then I saw this video:




Viewing this ad did not make me want to purchase this line by any means, however I can't help but love a brightly colored video that happens to feature a cat that just so happens to bear a striking resemblance to my little man, Kitty! Seriously, that cat is his twin! Or he has been moonlighting as a cat model and I didn't know about it. Which is highly feasible, I have no idea what hes up to when I'm sleeping. Unfortunately the second half of the video got boring. After the girl travels through some fluffy, vaginal portal Kitty's twin turns into a dominatrix and starts dancing around a gang of S&M Hello Kitty men. But Kitty's debut was amazing none the less.

I had the pleasure of seeing the movie Coraline the other day and I must say that it was a wonderful experience. I mean how can you go wrong with a 3D, stop-motion animation, full length film? It was absolutely beautifully done and I would even have to say that I would love to see it once more before it is no longer in the theaters. Not only was it visually amazing, but the story was entertaining and the film was able to convey a moral for the children in the audience. One aspect of the film I found interesting was that the ghost children called the other mother 'The Beldam;' I had never heard this term before and according to IMDB the name came from a John Keats poem entitled "La Belle Dame sans Merci." This poem describes the enchantment of the Belle Dame which I found interesting in parallel with the movie. I wouldn't say this is one of Keats best works however it does provide an appropriate mystic, eerie characteristic.


La Belle Dame sans Merci

I.

O WHAT can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
Alone and palely loitering?
The sedge has wither’d from the lake,
And no birds sing.

II.

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms!
So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrel’s granary is full,
And the harvest’s done.

III.

I see a lily on thy brow
With anguish moist and fever dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
Fast withereth too.

IV.

I met a lady in the meads,
Full beautiful—a faery’s child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.

V.

I made a garland for her head,
And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She look’d at me as she did love,
And made sweet moan.

VI.

I set her on my pacing steed,
And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
A faery’s song.

VII.

She found me roots of relish sweet,
And honey wild, and manna dew,
And sure in language strange she said—
“I love thee true.”

VIII.

She took me to her elfin grot,
And there she wept, and sigh’d fill sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With kisses four.

IX.

And there she lulled me asleep,
And there I dream’d—Ah! woe betide!
The latest dream I ever dream’d
On the cold hill’s side.

X.

I saw pale kings and princes too,
Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
They cried—“La Belle Dame sans Merci
Hath thee in thrall!”

XI.

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,
With horrid warning gaped wide,
And I awoke and found me here,
On the cold hill’s side.

XII.

And this is why I sojourn here,
Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is wither’d from the lake,
And no birds sing.

The strike of delicious poultry

When I was nine years old I was riding my bike around my neighborhood with my friend Cherisse. We were just taking a leisurely ride so when we heard a strange honking noise we decided to investigate. Following the sound we came to a dead end where a Canadian Goose stood, honking away. We stopped, wondering what was wrong with this guy, and he just stood there staring at us. After awhile we lost interest in the fella and headed home on our bikes. Little did we know, we were being followed.
Just so happens that sneaky devil thought that it would be fun to see what we were up to. When we noticed our stalker we started to ride faster but he was persistent and took flight however he could only get about five feet off the ground, still he was on our tail. When we reached my house and my mother saw the goose she demanded that we run it off the property, even though we insisted that it would be impossible since he pretty much corralled us in the first place. Considering this we decided that having him chase us would pretty much be the best way to get him out of the yard.
So we ran. We ran and he followed hovering just above our heads, when it happened. He bit me. I didn't even know that geese bit. And I didn't even know it would hurt so bad.
Turns out it does. And, turns out Canadian geese are actually totally freaking nuts. The video below shows a sweet doggy on a boat getting attacked just like I did. When I watched it I found myself breaking into a cold sweat and having flash backs to my own encounter with the possessed, Christmas dinner on legs.



So watch out and don't trust any goose as far as you could throw him.

I couldn't even get away with this.....

There is something about Pamela Anderson that, well, frightens me. If I saw her on the street I'm pretty sure I would chase her down, tackle her, and dress her in age appropriate clothing. She should no longer be parading around in minuscule clothing with pounds of make up on her face.



There was a time in her life where she was defiantly a prominent sex symbol in our society however age has taken its toll on poor Pammy and I think we would all like to see her with a lot more clothing on. She is defiantly in great shape for her age but shes exudes trailer park, white trash rather than mid twenties bunny sex appeal. Which is what she is going for.....I think?

Yum, Yum

Oopse-a-daisy

I have always found it highly amusing when people injure themselves. I admit it, I'm a jerk. But seriously its funny, and I don't want anyone to get badly hurt by any means, but a good old fashion trip always gives me a good laugh. I think I inherited this bad sense of humor gene from my mother, I remember falling off my bike into a pile of skinned knees and tears and she laughed. And I should note that laughed was an understatement. So now I find myself suppressing giggles when I see someone trip on sidewalks or slide down stairs. My personal favorite humorous accidents however happen to take place under the lights and scrutiny of the catwalk. Seeing emaciated, gangley models teter and topple on stilettos that cause them to tower as high as trees just warms my heart.



Don't get me wrong, I give these ladies credit. Not only do their falls look painful but they also look absolutely mortifying! Heres a picture of Monika Jagaciak's fall this year at the Herve Leger show:


Let me tell you, that girl ate shit and she did it gracefully. Her ankles folded and she went down with out even flashing her panties, only to get up with a stunning smile on her face. Talk about professionalism. Poor girl probably had every curse word in the dictionary running through her head. The Polish dictionary and the American Standard.




Hey, beautiful people fall too. And they prove that it really is impossible to walk in those goddamn shoes.

Belated Valentines!

With the passing of the weekend so went Valentines Day 2009.  I admit, with me not being much of a fan of 2009 I wasn't really looking forward to Valentines Day.  Mainly because I'm employed at a hotel, and a hotel stay is just as generic as dinner at a fancy resturant and roses on Valentines Day.  I mean those things are all fine and romantic however, they lose their appeal to me when every, single other couple is doing them at the exact same time.  On top of all that I believe that my knight in shining armor will do such romantic, lovey dovey things all year round.  And I expect him to do so.  With that said, I find it rather grotesque to see unimaginative couples scrambeling to express their procrastinating ass love, all while burdening me.  And to top it off I meet these couples when they arrive for their hotel stay and, try as I might not to,  I imagine what is going to go on up in room 805.  And let me tell you, its not always pretty.  Especially when they think its cute to begin their mating ritual in front of me with some PDA, which I do not, I repeat, do not want to see. Thus I decided that I would treat this Valentines Day as more of a Thanksgiving, gorging myself with delicious, satisfying, fatty foods all the while watching movies and telling myself that I'll go to the gym later.  IT WAS AMAZING.  And in the end I got into a bed of freshly washed sheets and, let me tell ya, I found love. Right there in my bed, the last place I expected to find it. Or the first, depending on how you look at it.  But there is nothing close to the joy I feel when Im stuffed with food, drifting off to sleep on clean sheets.  Its good to know that I am able to bring my self to that level of euphoria, I bet those jokers in 805 didn't even come close.  

Life Is Grand

My friend introduced me to this web site today that is basically a forum that people use to post blurbs about random crappy aspects of their life. I, personally, think my life sucks a lot of the time so its nice to read shitty things that happen to other people. And it turns out its pretty hilarious! Here are a few of my favorite posts:

"Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it."

"Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D.""

"Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes."

"Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad"

"Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that.""

"Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me."

"Today, having just told me what a great job I've been doing and how he'd really like to start giving me some more responsibility, my boss asked me if I'd sharpen a couple of pencils for him."

"Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip."

"Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to.""

"Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric toothbrush in her hand."

"Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!""

"Today, I decided to come out to a co-worker. She looked at me, then laughed, and said, "You can't be gay, you're fat!""

So maybe its not the nicest thing to laugh at other people misfortune, but its making me much happier so I'm sure they wouldn't mind.

Home sweet home.

On Monday and Tuesday of this week the Westminster Dog Show took place at Madison Square Garden where the best of the breeds competed for best in show, and members of PETA protested outside dressed in KKK attire. What will those marketing geniuses at PETA think of next? PETA claims that their protest was to illustrate that "AKC's attempt to create a master race" was the commonality between the dog show circuit and the Ku Klux Klan. I don't really understand why PETA has such a problem with selective breeding, people do it all the time, specifically at sperm banks, and I'm not going to breed with any Joe Schmoe, I'll tell you that much. My baby will be beautiful on top of being the smartest baby ever born, just saying.
So really I see nothing wrong with the AKC other than the fact that dog show people are fucking weird. No joke. My mother showed and bred dogs my entire childhood, I spent quite a bit of time at dog shows, I know. Those dog show folk treat their animals like gods. I remember actually screaming at my mother once, telling her that she didn't love me as much as her dogs. And maybe she didn't, but I sure feel bad that I didn't apologize for that one.
Anyways, dog show people are nuts. I feel that the movie Best In Show was an excellent depiction of how crazy these people are. And I will even go as far to say that, in reality, dog show people are crazier. But not so crazy as to try and create some sort of superior, robot dog. Just crazy from the love that they have for their animals. And even though people who have an extreme love for their dogs make me cringe, I do really like dogs and I have a psychotic amount of love for my cat, so I can respect that. Especially since Kitty likes dogs too. All hail Kitty!

I was reading the New Yorker the other day and I came across an article written by a man who suffered from a condition that caused a constant ringing in his left ear. I was intrigued by this article because I once had also suffered from such a symptom, however it had been in both my ears and drove me crazy! Seriously, it was annoying and I was convinced I was dieing because of this ailment. So it turns out this condition is called Tinnitus and is caused by noise trauma (the more obvious of the factors), foreign objects in the ear canal, and abnormally low levels of serotonin activity. I found the last cause particularly interesting because I assocated my particular condition to the electrical substation that was behind the house I lived in. My idea was that the substation produced some type of low frequency sound that caused the ringing in my ears. Upon further investigation I learned that the magnetic field produced by the substation had been known to cause paranoia in people who resided in close proximity to the substation. This made me wonder if paranoia decreased the amount of serotonin in the brain thus causing the ringing in my ear........though I never felt particularly paranoid. Luckily the ringing stopped after I moved away from that house, vowing to never live by an electrical substation ever again. Still, I always wonder if I had really suffered from a bout of Tinnitus or was simply just paranoid.